I’ve written many times in this column of my frustration with the way we bicker and fight in our congregations. The question I want to leave with you today focuses on the effect our fighting may have on our youth. Are they the next generation of church fighters? Or will they be peacemakers, helping us live more decently with each other?

I’ve just come from a 50-year anniversary talk about the Seventh-day Adventist book titled Questions on Doctrine. It is arguably the single most controversial book in Seventh-day Adventist history. We have fought about it for 50 years. I could list some other things over which we have fought, or perhaps are currently fighting about: the color of the carpet in church, music, theory of atonement, jewelry, academy uniforms, food, movies, Ellen White, creation vs. evolution, doctrine of salvation, system of education, nature of health care, potluck … Shall I go on?

One thing I am certain about is that our youth will reflect their parents. It took me awhile, but I now clearly see my father and my mother in my own attitudes and behaviors. Occasionally my siblings will actually call me by my father’s name to help clarify things.

Another thing I am certain of is that our youth will reflect the attitudes of their teachers — at school and at Sabbath school. Our thoughts and behaviors take on the same patterns as those who raise us and teach us. This is true in church like it is at home. When our children, no matter what age, hear us bickering and fighting on a regular basis, there is a very high likelihood that they will do the same.

No doubt there are psychologists who could help me fine-tune my hunch along these lines, but from my layman’s perspective, it seems our youth may respond to our fighting churches in at least three ways. One, they can lean toward it and become the next generation of Seventh-day Adventist congregational fighters. Do you know of any young people like this?

Two, they could lean away from the fighting and go somewhere else for their spiritual and religious needs, perhaps a more peaceful and loving congregation of another denomination or even another religion. How many stories have you heard about young people leaving the church?

Or three, they could hang in there with Adventism and try to effect change in the way we get along with each other. I know many people in this last category, but I do fear for my kids and their friends. Why would they want to remain in congregations that fight so much? How can we help our young people become peacemakers and avoid becoming the next generation of congregational fighters?

Last weekend, I walked into the Rogers Adventist Elementary School in College Place, Wash. Three steps into the main entrance I was abruptly confronted by a very large Scripture on the wall. It read, “To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with our God.” I can’t tell you how proud I was to see those words on the wall of one of our schools. Wow! I looked further and discovered on their website the following statement envisioning the type of Adventist young people they are trying to shape: “Competent Compassionate Christians—Each child will be well-equipped with the knowledge and abilities to ‘do the right thing’ and the relationship skills to ‘do the kind thing.’”

God bless them in their effort.