"Family violence involves an assault of any kind—verbal, physical, emotional, sexual, or active or passive neglect—that is committed by one or more persons against another within a family, whether they are married, related, living together or apart, or divorced.”

So begins the official statement on family violence by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists. But why on earth would the Church issue such a statement?

In fact, someone recently communicated to me that the Church should not be making such statements. He went on to say, “If my father had not beaten me, and if I did not beat my kids, we would each have turned out bad!”

What do you think? Should the Church stick its nose into our family business? Let me be clear on this particular issue: Yes, yes, yes! If someone in the home is being harmed by an abusive parent, spouse, sibling, or some other person, the action must be stopped—immediately.

Generally, a family’s business is private and should remain so. But in the event that someone in the home is being harmed, normal procedure gives way to the need to protect. Moral justification (giving good, sound reasons for our actions) will always stand on the side of protecting someone from harm. No reason, no good reason, can be offered for harming a member of your family.

Of course, we can argue about what “harm” means, and surely we’ll end up with differing ideas. Physical harm is usually visually obvious and easily agreed upon. When we see it, there should be little to no hesitation to intervene immediately to protect the person from future harm.

Psychological harm might not be visible, though its effects may be even longer lasting than physical harm. The official Church statement goes on to define various elements of psychological or emotional harm. This “includes behavior such as incest and the mistreatment or neglect of underage children by a parent or another guardian that results in injury or harm.”

Do you suppose that family violence is something that happens somewhere else? Somewhere other than in your church in the year 2005? Do not deceive yourself. Recently, in a public setting with dozens of people involved, I was leading a discussion about this statement from the Church. One of the participants, whom I recognized as a church leader, raised his hand and said, “Violence would not be a problem if wives did not bring it on by pestering their husbands.... Men work hard and when they come home to wives that pester them about this or that, it is no wonder that violence happens.”

There have been a few times in my life when I wish Ellen White were present in the room. This was one of those times! Oh, how I wished she had been there to respond in the strength of her person. She routinely condemned physical and psychological violence in the family circle. There are so many references to this in her writing that I’m hard pressed to site any single one as definitive.

Nonetheless, the following statement aimed at parental guidance of children should suffice for this brief column: “Violence or harshness is not required in this work. Self-control must be cultivated and leave its impression on the mind and heart of the child” (Child Guidance, 205).

You know that, in this column, I generally like to leave you pondering the pros and cons of an issue. Not this time. Violence in the family is simply not acceptable.